Arms and legs crossed.
My leg is twitching restlessly (angrily?)
She is "disappointed" to see me in this space after a positive Friday session where, having starved for a week, I was on a high.
I am worried by the word she uses.
Desperation claws at my insides, screaming that she will never understand.
She asks what I will do when the purging is no longer enough.
I tell her I will begin draining the blood from my body.
She tells me that my body will replenish it.
I don't mention that I am picturing my femoral artery.
I try to resist the urge to look at the clock as she talks.
Her words are like little woodpeckers on the side of my head.
She wants me to think about Christmas?
Did I not explain that two days without work leaves me reaching for death? What will stand between us for two WEEKS?
She reminds me that she won't be able to see me on my birthday (which she is not aware of) and I wonder if it is significant that it's the only day she has had to cancel.
That's all I can say for now.