I don't know what I should do now
'Cause I've exhausted all I know how
Still all of my efforts, they fail me
Leaving me broken and empty
I can't go on
Half living this life on my own
'Cause I'm hiding behind this smile
And I haven't come out for a while
See, there is this place so empty inside me
I'm hiding behind this smile
There must be someplace warmer than here
'Cause my teeth chatter, and I live in fear
But every attempt I attempt just impails me
Leaving me broken and empty
I can't go on
Half living this life on my own
'Cause I'm hiding behind this smile
And I haven't come out for a while
See, there is this place so empty inside me
I keep hiding behind this smile
'Cause I know I'm not okay, yeah
I know I'm not alright, yeah
I'm hiding behind this smile
Now I haven't come out for a while
See, there is this place so empty inside me
I keep hiding behind this smile
You see there is this place so empty inside me
and I'm hiding behind this smile
Hiding behind this smile
I was going to highlight the relevant bits but I'd have to highlight the whole lot.
Work is my saving grace. My smile is a good mask but it carries me sometimes. But then, I get home, and it all collpases.
There must be somewhere warmer than here.
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Hi - There is a "writing" called "please hear what I am not saying" that I have used often in groups at my treatment facility. I am going to look for it for you.I FOUND IT - and it wont let me post it because it is too long. my goodness. so here is the address to read it - there is a whole web site s well. I hope you find it helpful
ReplyDeleteLove Gail
peace.....
http://www.poetrybycharlescfinn.com/pleasehear.html
I wore that mask for SO long. I hated it as much as you do. It always felt fake and wrong and it made me hurt.
ReplyDeleteI don't wear it anymore. If I hurt, I cry. If I feel rage, I yell. Most wonderful of all, sometimes I feel completely happy.
That's new.
I wish you a quick journey to a more peaceful place.
love
it's hard. really really so hard. and so tiring 'eh. i wish there were an easy way out of that world of walls. they're hard like diamonds, just like your smile. pretty but like they say, diamonds are forever. that's the theory of it all. the painful theory that doesn't quite work in practice -- which is probably fortunate even if it doesn't always feel that way.
ReplyDeletei hope you find some safe ways to let out all those unspoken, unspeakable things... this place, here, seems like a good start to me :)
*posts a lil TLC to go with the pretty, shiny things that dance but don't dare dream*
Gail - I need to write about that poem. It's the most beautiful thing ever.
ReplyDeleteHit me like a train in the night... and at the same time... found me.
Thank you so much.
Shen. Masks yes... They hurt after a while I guess. So glad you have shaken yours.
Thank you for your words.
CK. The painful theory that oesn't quite work in practice. Yep. I know EXACTLY what you mean.
Thank you for listening, and for the TLC, though, too much of that can feel dangerous as hell...
Your writing is beautiful.
HI-
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you found the poem and read it - it is so powerful and impacts people so uniquely. I have been reading if for twenty years and each time I do, something new is found in me.
Love to you
Gail
peace.....
Hiding is a art. Your poem was so powerful. It show what you feel. Bless you my friend.
ReplyDeleteI've spent so much time hiding. I want it to stop. Gentle hugs. Sarah
ReplyDelete