Sunday, 11 March 2012


... tears.
And I'm sorry that I can't feel stronger. I choose to be positive and to smile and to keep cheerful, and yet, alone, I dissolve. Head in hands. Desperation trickling through my, apparently, 'skeletal' body.

I was informed yesterday that I'm 1 kilo off being admitted. I can't have that. Not when I've just begun a phased return to work... not when it'll cost me my job... not when I want to do this so, so badly.

So why then, when I just have to put on a few pounds, am I battling the urge to exercise?

It's madness this illness. A bulging, black mass somewhere in the brain. It seeps and creeps and pushes into spaces, forcing itself against walls of reason and clarity.

Thursday, 1 March 2012


... flies.

I have been trying to write here for days now but I have felt wordless. 

I've also been exhausted because I have started back at work.

It's a trial... in every sense as it turns out.

I'm not sure I can cope with the anxiety it is provoking.

And there is no TIME.