Monday, 8 August 2011

Life Outside...

I want to be honest.
Although nothing in me will tolerate the conditions of returning to the unit, I am, quite frankly, finding it very hard to manage the process of re-feeding.
It's tough going from the moment I wake up.
Impossible not to compromise on the calories I'm supposed to be having.

My weight is down to 5 stone, BMI 13 point something... maybe less.

I'm going to do a meal plan for tomorrow so I don't wake up and torture myself in the middle of the night with it all.


  1. Your numbers are very scary. I hoping you can find a meal plan you can tolerate. I am concerned about your health, Here listening if you need extra support email me. Thinking of you, Wanda

  2. Hi WS - I hope in all of the swirl of thoughts you are no doubt experiencing at this time that one of the thoughts you are having is that you need help with this and you would be best served by being back in the unit.

    I hope I'm not being too forward but trying to do this by yourself is most likely an impossible task you have dumped on yourself.

    There are some things we simply cannot do alone.


  3. HI LOVE - I "ditto" jss. Some things are just not meant to take on alone, certainly not sustain alone. Gather with others fighting for the same freedom as you.
    Love to you always

  4. 'Going it alone' isn't going it.

    It's letting the AoD delude you.

    What you're struggling with is an appalling internal conflict, and you won't win it, because you're never sure what side you're on.

    As someone who cares, I'd say, make a decision.
    Then stick by it.

    Obviously, I know (as do you) what decision I'd align myself with, but then, it's not me making it.

    And, yes, I know that it's hard to stay with one 'side' in this battle for more than one statement to the next, but isn't that the point, really.
    On the horns of a dilemma.
    You 'want' to re-feed, but, as I've said before, you clearly don't have a full consensus.

    To be honest, if you're really going to take this seriously, you won't be able to do it alone.

  5. WS, this makes me cry, for you, and for me. For me, because you are dying. Part of me is me is mad at you; is this what you want? Slipping away? You will be dead within six months; or you will go the way of your sister, always hanging on the very edge. Part of me sypathises, hurts, with you; I know you don't want this. If there is any part of you left that wants something different, now is the time to let that part speak.

    All my love, and my fear and hurt,