Sunday, 13 March 2011

Being Here

I've made countless attempts to write a post here which might somehow capture the absolute rollercoaster of a journey I've been on in the last fortnight at the Eating Disorders Unit.
So far, all such efforts have been thwarted by a complete sense of overwhelming exhaustion when I try to string more than a few words together.

Suffice to say that the experience of being stuffed full of food at far too regular intervals between 10 and 4, has been almost intolerable and I have to admit, I have tried to cheat wherever possible.
I am like the naughty schoolgirls that I so often have to teach.
Only, I'm far more fragmented in many ways.

The rest of the time is spent in the group... doing group everything.

This has proved to be an interesting experience inasmuch as the strength of bonding occuring within the group and the incredible sense of love I have felt for these girls.

Overall, despite the feeding (and because they are new to open and therefore have not set up properly yet - and so no evening meals yet) I have lost weight.
Mainly this is muscle wastage. I can no longer run or even jog.
Climbing stairs is difficult.

I will write when I have more energy.

I'm sorry that I haven't kept up with other blogs lately.
It's all very, very tiring and overwhelming.


  1. HELLO beautiful one-
    I am so glad to "see" you. I am so thrilled that you are still in treatment and doing it - it takes such courage and strength to stay and do and be and allow and you are doing all of that and SO much more. I hold you close to my heart with love and prayers, always.
    Love Gail
    peace and hope for us all

  2. I'm happy to hear from you as well. Reaching out and accepting help is an extremely difficult thing to do. Be kind to yourself. Be proud of yourself. I'm thinking about you.

  3. I'm glad you are in treatment and it is good to hear from you. Be kind to yourself and allow some healing in the "safe" environment. Think of you and wishing you well.

  4. Gail - Thank you.
    Yes I'm still doing it but only when forced at the unit... Supper is hugely restricted and I pretty much avoid it all at the weekend... I wish I was doing better.

    Campbell - Thank you. Yes. Difficult is the word... If I was complying, I'd be more able to feel proud of myself. Right now, I don't and cannot.

    Wanda - Bless you. A part of me wants to allow healing but at the moment, I seem to be going in the opposite direction if the truth be told.

  5. I'm glad you in treatment as well even if all your defenses have kicked in. I do understand that you are on a most difficult and painful journey. I am thinking of you, you are in my heart...

  6. Thank you SO MUCH for your understanding Lost. The same very much applies from myself to you. x

  7. want you to know WS....I'm praying for you...and holding onto faith for you to become strong again....I'm glad you're in tratment even though it's scary...and the fact you bonded and love the girls you're in group with...says so much about the beautiful person you are. Hang tight okay....always in your corner....☺☺☺

  8. Believing in your strength, and sending you much love . . . . . you can do this . . . .