Thursday, 18 March 2010

Words Outside My Vocabulary - Need #2

Maslow is kind of the King of Needs and so it seems only right that he should get a mention.

In the interests of keeping this post fairly brief, I'm going to assume that anyone reading is already familiar with his concept of a hierarchy of needs possessed by each human being, and if not, then there are a million websites given to explaining this diagram.

As a teacher, we have this framework drilled into us fairly early on in our training.
(And yes, I know, it seems unbelievable that I am capable of being both the illogical mess you hear in this place, and the reliable, "together", professional, who somehow manages to gain the respect of pretty tough *problem* teenagers).

Anyway, I have always considered it to be a fairly accurate representation of our needs, but that's not my issue.

The real reason that I refer to Maslow here is that when I was writing my last post, I realised that I was generalising to a considerable extent when I wrote that I am repulsed by the notion of 'having needs'.

In fact, I don't mind admitting to some of the physiological needs on the bottom 'rung'.

Even the second arena doesn't pose too much of a threat to me.

It's the Love / Belonging part that presents problems.

I don't want to NEED any of the things in that part. In fact, "I don't want" is far too passive a way of putting it.

Ideally I would destroy anything in me that pertains to the NEED of those things.

I don't mind having them. I certainly don't mind giving them. But NEEDING them?

That I can't take.


... intimacy?

Another word outside my vocabulary.

There seem to be quite a few, given that English is supposed to be my specialism


  1. Listen this makes perfect sense to me that you can be so respected your struggles make you accessable to the teenagers. You are important your gifts are apparent, if you can't see them or trust them maybe you can appreciate that they are working even here in your darkness. YOu are taking those steps in the dark and your light is shining on others. I am happy and touched to hear you tell us the gift you are to others. Thank you for sharing, You truly are incredible and someday I truly hope you can see it for yourself.

  2. GOD will use your struggles to help many others. He most certainly has in my life.
    Blessings and prayers,

  3. I agree! Life would be so much easier if that section of the triangle would somehow disappear! Realizing that those things are basic needs of a healthy balanced individual is the first step to start accepting their place in our life. Little steps.

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  5. HI LOVE_

    Excellent post. And as you know I am a BIG fan of Glasser - "Choice Theory" which would speak to the behaviors one chooses so to reach those levels. I mentioned my post "Choice Theory"? If not, please take a moment to read it - I think you will find it quite useful. I swaer by it. :-)
    Love to you my brave friend

  6. I completely understand where you are coming from (something, I'm sure you hear often). Been still there....don't like to admit that I need those things...then again...deep down I know I do, I just let my past rule my perception of the future....and based on my past friends stab you in the back, family leaves you when you need them most, and sex and intimacy don't go together. I don't accept that I need those things, but I am far from being I guess he's not that far off...Hang in there, and screw Maslow....even HE wasn't self-actualized!

  7. good ole Abraham! Identifying with your words and your struggle . . . . and admiring your bravery. And yes, I know you cringe at hearing that . . . .

    holding you always in my heart, and still listening with much love . . . . . and of course, you are always welcome to read my thread, and always welcome at the forum . . . I miss you terribly and think of you every day, but understand how difficult it is . . . truly, my friend, I get it . . . .

    huge love to ((( you ))),

  8. you're so open and vulnerable...I'm glad you are...and I think being a teacher...being really capable in one area...just shows how you've learned to fly on some level...In mamy ways I feel the same as you....In some together...capable and in others....take gentle care ok.

  9. Just to say...

    Vicki - Your kind words... Well... I don't know how to respond really.
    You are waay to kind.
    Thank you though.
    Thank you for listening and for encouraging. x

    Andrea- Being "used" to help others would be about the only thing that woud make any of this worthwhile I think.
    Thanks x

    Lily - Yeah. You are right. Oh that that section would disappear... Realising needs feels like a dangerous thing to do... x

    Dear Gail - I've read your Choice Theory post several times now.
    I very much agree with it, but it's a tough one.
    I'm not sure where I am at the moment.
    Love x

    Phonemail - I laughed at your "screw Maslow" comment... I'm not sure how easy that would actally be... (!)
    Sorry that you are in this place too. It's a horrible place to be, in my experience.
    I read your blog and I understood the poem only too well.
    Hang in there too ok? x

    Did you know I'd been on the forum last night? I did read your thread, only yours and LR's... Just to catch up and hear how things are going.
    I hear how hard it is... the hell of it... the expectation that you will be hurt as you were by L.
    I also hear some change in what you can and can't say... As though there is a little more 'range there maybe.
    Thank you for getting it... You don't know how much that meant to hear.
    You are very much in my heart too and I will keep checking in to see how you are.
    Much love. xx

    Sarah - Yes. I hear similarities as you write sometimes... The being capable in one area and yet feeling so smashed up in other, more secret, places...
    I hear that.
    You take care of you too.

  10. I know for a fact now, what we journey through we can help others as we have been there. Thank you for sharing dear one. Blessings.

  11. ((((((((( hugs!)))))))))

    and, no, I did not know you were there, but embarassingly will admit that I feel much comfort in hearing that . . . . I do miss you so much, and thank you for telling me . . . . LR would be happy as well . . . .

    Coincidentally posted in your thread very early this AM . . . . but no pressure for you to go and read or respond . . . . I do indeed get much of "it" . . . .

    Thank you for your words, and for still listening . . . . . .

    much love to you . . . .