Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Summoning up the Energy

Although I would ideally like to be a little more disciplined, very often, writing this blog seems to demand a far greater degree of energy than I am capable of finding in me.

It feels hard to summon the courage to write some of the things I am afraid of commiting to anything more than the very floaty space somewhere in the haziest recesses of my mind.

Often, the depression I live with day to day, lies in me, appearing dormant to all but the part of me that is a desire for self expression.

The black dog lies heavy on my chest. Always with one eye open.

"Should" isn't a great word.

I know that.

It's one of those words that most counselling types love to pounce on before suggesting 'healthier words like "would like to" or "could".

Nonetheless, as a blog about therapy, I feel that I should be making more of an effort to muster the energy, reach into the haze, muzzle the black dog and write more about it.

And so I tred lightly over the trepidation and pledge to try, even when the words are hard.


  1. Depression tends to rob us of our joy and energy. I have often wondered what it would be like not to suffer from depression.

  2. You often commented how inspiring my progress is, yet there are days where I think this progress happens in a different dimension as I cnat get energy enough to get up or to keep appointment. Not even important appointments. To break through the haze over and over again is sometimes not onyl tiring yet I question the benefit etc.
    Yet again I feel that by now breaking through teh haze starts getting a bit easier. That is what I call progress.
    You are doing what you can. Yes, I "should" isnt the best word ;-)))
    Love form my heart to yours. I keep you in my thoughts and pass by to see how you are doing.

  3. Hi love-

    and so you say, believe, you "should" and you are, you have, you will continue.

    Loving you

  4. You are in my thoughts. I share your pain and believe in you.