Saturday, 5 February 2011

Where I've Been

The place I was staying was incredibly beautiful, and from a spiritual and emotional perspective, was exactly what I most needed.
Even my room was called 'Peace'.
It was a retreat in the true sense of the world and for five days, I didn't have to answer to, look out for or 'live up to' anyone.

During the days, I took myself off for long walks along miles of deserted coastline. The chill wind cut across my skin as I bent and straightened picking shells off the sand, making me feel more alive than I have for weeks. On two of the days, a harsh February sun lit the beaches and the reedy sand grasses so deeply that it took my breath away.
In my early teens I fell in love with Byron's poetry and although not necessarily understanding it all, I would experience something not unlike agony as I tried to hold the weight of his beauty-laden words.
I later discovered Shelley, Keats, Longfellow and the other romantics and went through a period where I appreciated little else in the way of literature.
As I walked along, I recalled Byron's lines from one of his epic works, 'Childe Harold's Pilgrimage'
"There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more,
From these our interviews, in which I ste
From all I may be, or have been before,
To mingle with the Universe, and feel
What I can ne'er express, yet cannot all conceal."
I learned these lines because they resonated at a level far deeper than I myself ever found words for. Here he expresses the universal sense of 'rapture' at the awesome beauty of the natural world, and somehow captures man's longing to, be a part of something outside the bounds of society, to transcend the material world of mankind and be a part of something divine.
I had moments where I felt this in the core of my soul.

I include some pictures I took, some more artistic than others.

Physically, I lost weight and my muscles ache endlessly as they. quite obviously, waste.

Spiritually, hands have cupped around dying embers and gentle breath has deepened their glow. I am unsure how long it will last, but I am taking time to focus on being creative as a way of trying to nurture this.

The Woman was careful with her relief when I saw her on Friday.
I realise I look bad.
I have a lot of catching up to do on other blogs. Please bear with me.


  1. This entry makes me happy and sad for your right now. I also love that poem. It speaks to me on so many levels. That place looks so beautiful and truly peaceful. I'm glad you were able to take this week for yourself. Keep holding on.

  2. I've been following your blog for quite sometime and I think you have a wonderful way with words. I often find myself unable to explain so many things that you can so eloquently describe. I know it's easy for you to overlook your great qualities but I hope you know that you have an amazing way with words that to me is a panacea for my life. Please keep writing even if it is to say that you cannot find the words. Keep fighting because you are an amazing person.

  3. No words . . . . just a (((((((( hug )))))))))


  4. Hello love-

    your command of language as a means to express your 'being' gives me chills and thrills me so - you are truly gifted. I felt your depth in this writing and saw your desires and it was both wonderful and challenging.The pictures are so beautiful, in their solitude and oneness with nature I felt alone and also part of - all at once. I am so honored to be on this journey with you WS, you are so real and so beautiful and so intentional - you take my breath away in the best of ways. Stay close and know always, I love you.
    peace and hope for us all

  5. Campbell - Thank you. Yes... It has been a mixture for me.

    givestrength - Hi. Thank you so much for stopping by. It's a mystery to me why people would follow 'for a while' but I appreciate your listening. Thank you for your kind words.

    Mel - Understanding the no words thing.
    As always, much love x

    Gail - I have just read your comment and your OWN words have left me a bit speechless.
    Did you ever read your own beautiful writing Gail?!
    Thank you so so so much for your understanding and love.
    I can't believe how much you stick with me here!

  6. Beautiful pics, thank you for sharing them. And beautiful, ugly, sad, desperate, and hopeful pain. WS, it's better to feel pain than nothing. Not always, but in general. Peace is good too; take whatever of it you can get. Much love, and hugs.

  7. HI WS-

    it is a 'privilege' to "stick with you" - I am humbled by your gratitude and feelings about me - you are such a gift.
    Loving you in all ways

  8. Sounds wonderful.
    Sounds peaceful.
    Hoping it's lasting.

    Thinking of you.

  9. Awesome photos. Thank you for sharing. They give me a sense of peace as well when I view them. I often retreat into nature when I need to soothe the raging and chaos within. There is something in nature that touches me in ways nothing else can. You are in my thoughts.

  10. For me...being in the quiet of nature has helped so much in own journey. Reading your words... - beautiful..I pray it stays with you for a long time. Sending you tons of hugs....Stay strong okay