Thursday, 7 July 2011


At around midday yesterday, unit staff announced the decision to reintroduce two much dreaded 'high energy' supplements into my meal plan.

The room around me blurred and whitened as my mind whirled into the shadow flecked vortex of spinning panic and dissociation.

Today I sit in relative calm.

The pain and the panic whirl around me but not within.

I discharged myself from the unit.

I'm not entirely sure how I will manage


failure is even less of an option that it was last week or the week before.


The work of rebuilding continues.

A lot tougher and a little lonelier, but it continues nonetheless.

At the moment I am shuffling through rubble, feeling little more than dazed as I survey the extent of the wreckage and try to keep breathing through the swirling fusion of chalky dust and stone.


  1. :( I am so sorry that things are so hard for you right now. xxx

  2. I am so sorry you are in so much pain. Sending encouragement and strength your way. Safe hugs.

  3. I'm sorry things are so tough. I am thinking of you.

  4. I hope somehow you can find a way back to those who can help you rather than letting yourself slip back - that you are able to find a way forward, despite the panic and fear that caused you to run away from the unit.What an utterly awful time you are having.

    I am rooting for you.

    With much love

    Sky xx

  5. I really wanted to share this article with you about the very real dynamic associated with ED’s that this condition is not only in our minds. There are very real genetic and physical factors involved with our condition that influences our behavior and in turn recovery.