8 Reasons Why I Don't Have An Eating Disorder

1. I LIVE on sweets and chocolate. All day.

2. About 50% of the time I look at myself and know I am looking thinner.

3. I have to FORCE myself to go to the gym as much as I do.

4. I am not a perfectionist.

5. I am 31 years old. I'm too old to start being anorexic.

6. I am too rational and logical AND I have too much self awareness.

7. I really like food.

8. My sister is an anorexic.



I realise that I have developed 'issues' with food. This is not new. I have struggled in phases with disorder eating. In the last year though, something has changed and it's all become a little more serious and a lot more confusing.

I have been studiously avoiding discussing it here... and I feel compelled to lie now that I am, which is absurd! What will that achieve? Why would I try to protect myself from that which I already know?

I'm doing that a lot lately.

I feel as though a part of my mind which is vaguely 'aware' of new possibilities and realisations is being attacked by a stronger part of my mind which is determined to keep anything from being fully realised.

And now... with the food... and my sister... and...

I'm not going there tonight but I need to write about her.

Another thing I've been thinking of and avoiding.



Sigh.



Despite therapy, despite blogging and despite trying to be more open with myself, I've never not understood more than I don't understand at the moment.

(Ya..! Work that one out!)