Monday, 17 August 2009

My Blog Has An Inferiority Complex!

I'm not liking the direction this blog is taking...

I suppose that when you entitle a blog 'Tears Behind The Smile - A Journey Through Therapy', it is somewhat indicative of the fact that it's not exactly going to sparkle with fun and comic genius. That being said, I keep coming across blogs by people who somehow manage to gracefully combine their introspective meanderings with dazzling wisdom and charmingly self-effacing wit.
I think I'm fostering an unhealthy 'blog inferiority complex'!
In the dawning of this realisation, I find that I am faced with the option to quit because I am a rather unimaginitive blogger who is overwhelmed both by the talent and bravery of others, and by the idea of ever making sense of a ridiculously complicated, and yet, rather dull journey. Or, I can continue to add to the rather alarming population of moaning and whining blogs that already exist.

The fact I am rambling about this pretty much tells you that I chose the latter of the two options. However, I feel compelled to preface all my posts with some kind of apologia which acknowledges that this place is going to be generally fucking miserable.

I haven't written much about the things I want to yet. largely because I seem to have a fifty foot wall imprisoning all the words that I would need to describe such things.

I'll get there.

Today's therapy session was... another thing I should be able to write about but can't find words for.


  1. I am glad that you decided to keep writing. It can be a mistake to compare your blogs to other blogs. We are all on a journey, yet we are in different stages of that journey. Know that the wall will come down brick by brick, however it will come down if that is truly your intention.
    Write what you feel, try not to get hung up on style or if someone will like or resonate with what you write. Simply write from your heart, write for you and I believe you will be amazed with the outcome.

  2. Just be yourself. We all have good and bad days. Keep on blogging! It's good for the soul.

  3. Mark - I'm touched by your words. Thank you so much for your gentle advice. I'm working on the wall but it is frustrating and resistant.
    I thought a lot about blogging and decided that you are right. I'll write for myself and avoid getting hung up on comparisons.
    Thanks for your comment.

    Wanda - Hello. I have been touched by the honesty in your own blog. It is inspiring and I can identify a little with some of the everyday battles you fight. Thank you for reading.

  4. Hmm. I actually find this post is in fact rather filled with wisdom and self-effacing wit. Sometimes we cannot see the forest through the thickness of our own trees.

    I second the "don't compare yourself to others" (isn't this one of the things that ultimately causes us to end up in therapy, because we don't feel like we measure up?) and the "write from the heart? comments. You can't go wrong with those bits of advice. Things have a way of falling into place on their own.

  5. Hi jss,
    Thank you for your kind words.
    As i said before, it's always good to find a like minded soul in the blogging wilderness.

  6. Hi, I just found your blog and didnt want to elave without a comment. I do not only agree with JSS you are wise and witty but this corner in the www is your little virtual corner and belongs to you. I am german, my English is far from being perfect, my plate is pretty full, still I blog about excursions and I am not always the most in depth person. So what? That is me. I welcome visitors, I love comments but I write for myself. Blogging became part of my recovery and some readers became part of my recovery too. The few posts I read show pain and depth, perserverance and desire to overcome. Step by step - One step at a time.
    I am happy to ahve found your blog and I am surely be back.
    Hugs across the pond

  7. Thank you so much Paula. That is so kind of you and I'm so glad that you stopped by.
    Your advice is much appreciated and I loved the idea that this little virtual corner belongs to me.

    Thank you x

  8. I was thinking just like you at first but just kept writing. Yea its depressing, but so am I. lol. Well I think im funny too. seriously, I just started writing for myself, allot of people will relate to you. I do. And this is not for everyone else. Just write, write, write. And if you don't write what your really feeling then its not really going to help you is it? I thought about the same things. over and over. You have to break loose and talk about the hard stuff, it will get easier the more that you do it. I promise. And I have found it to be good therapy for myself. You just think your alone. Trust me there are allot of people who can and do relate to you. The only way to find out is to write. And if they don't understand screw them, they don't have to read it. This is for you. Do something for yourself, and maybe you can put closure on some things. please read my blog.