Friday, 22 January 2010

Black Holes

Why do we travel?
Why do we go on journeys?

To get somewhere, right?


Most journeys we go on, we have a pretty good idea where we're headed and what it might look like when we get there. At least, we have some idea inasmuch as we have impressions of the world which allow us preconceived ideas, pre empt, imagine.

But the inner journey isn't like that.

For starters, speaking for myself, I have no idea where I'm heading, or if a destination even exists.
I can't even tell at the moment, whether I am suspended or falling, such is the density of the darkness and the numbness of my skin.
I have no assurance that gravity is still operating in this space. I don't know if there is any ground.
I need ground.
Ever been in a lift when you don't know if it is moving or not?
I just don't know.

It's all too much of nothing at all.

Those blueprints we have of how things might look when we reach the place we are journeying too..?
They're not there and I've lost the only image I had that I was sure of.

Another thing is that everything is in shadow. It's black or grey and every shade in between, but things are more indistinct than ever.

It's so dark and so disorientating that I don't understand how I will ever know where I am, let alone where to go.

I am even doubting the existence of myself at points.


  1. HI-

    I SO understand. The journey to self, I remember as having NO foot hold, no foundation and it was filled with voids. I always felt like I was falling, sliding, sometimes floating on nothing - my pain is what grounded me - my harsh truths became what I held on to and I screamed. Or I was numb and nothing mattered. I fought to feel the pain. I knew it was the only way I could become real. I had no idea what that meant but something inside told me to keep fighting for my truth. And I did - and at some point, I arrived - I was there, I was me. It was like coming through a maze of broken glass,darkness, cobwebs, mush and grit. As hard as the truth is it is the way to freedom. And for me, that was/is the journey.

    Love to you'

  2. For me the hardest to accept and experience every day again was that I started the jounrey I wouldnt know where I am heading too. However I became to tolerate that anything was better then the position I was in BEFORE I started my journey. That was enough.