Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Anyone for Valium..?

Tomorrow I fly.
Sounds good huh?


It would be if I wasn't a)severely emetophobic,
b)prone to bad panic attacks
c) flying alone.

A negative way of viewing it all, I agree...

Positive things are that a) I go armed with a month's worth of Diazepam
b) I haven't dared to book a flight to go abroad for over 2 years
c) ... er.... I'm scraping the barrel here... c is........... Ok. There is no C. I'm scared. No two ways about it.

The other thing that I haven't mentioned is that a little bit of this holiday is about trying to get a little bit better and put on a bit of weight.
That's the promise I've made to my family and to myself.
Problem is, only a PART of me wants that.

What I would really like, is for a ceasefire. Just for a couple of weeks.
And yet... without all the frenetic exercise and the discipline and the anxiety and the scales... How can there be peace?

I'll attempt to write more.


  1. I be thinking of you and wishing you the best. I hope the Valium helps. It usually works for me.

  2. I keep you in my thoughts. Hugs

  3. Hoping and praying things are going well...hoping...and believing for you to be strong...and safe...

  4. HI LOVE_

    Hoping and praying yo find peace. I am impressed that you are flying alone. Wow!! :-) I am still meeting this MS setback healing challenge, one step at a time. Let's love one another as we each fight our battles.

    Love Gail
    peace and hope.......

  5. Hey. Could I just point out that you only have 3 options for reactions to your posts. I know it's YOUR blog, and thus you're only asking for the reactions you're interested in, but it seems to me that most people's comments express interest, none of them boredom, and NONE of them disgust.

    So, I'd suggest one called 'brave', and one called sad, or upsetting, or moving, or something, and one called 'reSPECT!'.

    Just a thought.

    'Cos my feeling is, we do respect you, soul, and I, for one, would like to say so.

  6. Hoping your flight was not too trying for you. I will pray for peace for your return flight as well!

  7. I certainly understand the negative a and b. But your very first sentence 'Tomorrow I fly'. To be able to do that despite your fear, can I say wow. Keeping you in my thoughts.