Monday, 9 November 2009

Back To The Matter In Hand...



My session today was markedly more positive than the previous sessions...
It's not that a great beam of light shone into my disordered and chaotic cabinet.


More that I allowed myself
to dare
to try
to be
just a tiny
well defended than I have at other times.
(Yes - that sentence was intentionally convoluted... Somehow I want it to demonstrate just a fraction of the fear I feel at daring to get close to anything that might lie beneath the barbed wire spiral in which I have wrapped myself).

Anyway, it's about time that I bought a little light to the darkness that has been my blog over the last however many ("too many!", you cry) posts.

I drove away from her little cottage in the woods thinking that I must remember this session as one where I gave her something to work with, rather than waiting for her to wave a wand over my unspoken pain.
I thought that it would feel very risky to allow myself to do that too much.
But that I must remember the time that I did.

The word "allow" is one of the most frightening words outside of my vocabulary.


  1. I smiled at Èas I drove away from her cottage in the woods.è (sorry my computer is doing weird things. It should be quotes...That sounds so interesting...that you go for therapy in a small cottage in the woods. I sort of love that idea. Anyways..good post. Sarah

  2. Wonderingsoul, thank you for visiting my blog. I also have a hard time putting it out there. The word "allow" is most frightening. I'm glad you had the courage to give your therapist something.

  3. HI Wonderingsoul-

    I am glad that, that day was good for you and your therapist. :-) And I 'feel' the word 'allow' differently - I feel quite powerful because I feel totally in control. And I also so understand that when I "allow" whatever, then I am also at risk. So ya, I get it. I got a good feeling when I pictured a little cottage in the woods is where you visit your therapist.

    Love and hope

  4. I just love the way you wrote that first sentence. I never, ever in a million years would have thought of it in those terms and yet your presentation is so piercingly accurate it made me laugh.

    And you think your blog isn't clever. Silly girl.

  5. Thanks all.
    Trying very hard to get words out today.