Monday, 15 November 2010

Purge

My fingers
reach down
my throat,
push back
and I heave
and surge
and spew again and again
and
again
my fingers
reach down
my throat.

I wish
the pain
would fall out
this way
or
weighted words
unspoken expulsion
from hot heart pounding darkness.


Desperation

is flecked with orange

tomato skin.
Posted by Wondering Soul at 23:31
Labels: , , , , , , , , ,

9 comments:

  1. Andrea16 November 2010 at 00:47

    Blessings and prayers,
    andrea

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wanda's Wings16 November 2010 at 01:59

    I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. Please be safe and careful!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Faith16 November 2010 at 02:50

    tears. and hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Gail16 November 2010 at 16:20

    HI LOVE-

    holding you softly in prayer and good thought for your freedom and peace.

    Love to you always
    Gail
    peace....

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wondering Soul16 November 2010 at 23:52

    Dear Andrea, Wanda, Faith and Gail,
    Thank you for your support.
    I'm finding it hard to resist deleting this post because of the huge sense of shame I feel.
    I'm also finding it hard that I seem to have more things to say than I have words for.

    Faith - Please keep your tears for those who need them most. I feel so guilty that you would care that much.

    Gail - "Held softly" would ordinarily elicit pain... but "softly in prayer" feels like I could curl up and cry like a baby in that place.

    and I can't believe I just wrote that.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Faith17 November 2010 at 02:06

    WS, you give me too much credit; maybe I can alleviate your guilt by clarifying that I cry for you as well as for myself. Why, why did you start doing this the same time as I did? In some ways I cry for you because you ARE me. And then in other ways because you aren't. I can't really find answers for myself in your experience, although sometimes I have, I guess, thought or hoped I could. But if you let me cry with/for you as well as for myself, you give me that bit of connection that I am otherwise without. I don't know anyone else remotely like me. I'm surrounded every day by people I can't expose this part of myself to, and the denial is safe, but isolating.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Nikki (Sarah)18 November 2010 at 13:15

    Hi WS..praying today is easier....softer....gentler. Hang tight okay....In your corner....

    ReplyDelete
  8. lostinamaze21 November 2010 at 20:57

    Just want to let you know that I am thinking of you...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wondering Soul22 November 2010 at 23:58

    Thank you so much Faith, Sarah and Lost.
    x

    ReplyDelete

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